Shadow dancer

Shadow dancer

Last year was great modeling year, I gained so much new confidence and did some seminude and nude photoshoots. Now showing skin isn´t a problem anymore and I am over all, more confident about my body. My month without a scale went pass so fast and it wasn´t that hard actually. I tough it would have been harder. You really don´t need to check your weight every day or even every week. Just once in a while is fine, to check is your weight the same. Keep dancing babes, it is awesome! Keep yourself moving, everyday just a while trought the day. It makes all the change.

All pictures by Kari Vuorio

Bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant

Picture by Lauri Majamaa

Lately my life has been all about modeling and traveling. When you got the spark to do something, it is so inspiring. And sometimes you just need to do something you love and get your mind out of things that cause stress and make you feel.. well blah. I have doubled the photoshoots this year, so there are many more pictures to come for you! And I still don´t do this for money, I do it just because I like it. I think being front of camera makes me understand more me and my body. Everytime I learn something new. These pictures are from last summer. It´s weird to see these and see how my body has changed from these.. I hope you aren´t bored to see my modeling pictures haha.

Pictures by Lisa McWhirter

Feeling gloomy

I am feeling all gloomy gothish if you could say that. I have been watching hundreds and hundreds of pictures from Pinterest including dark mori and witchy style. So listening Two Witches is just the thing for me today. Also feeling quite nostalgic have watched old Cradle of Filth music videos, can´t but still love them. Maybe next outfit post will be with my new dark mori clothings... What do you think about my lamb skull, it is the cutest thing ever right? 

Occult inspiration Pinterest album

Got some mail with CDs with signatures

Lace photoshoot

Pictures by Kari Vuorio

Last year went by so fast being in photoshoots and traveling to see my friends that I didn´t have that much time for blogging. But now I do and here is few modeling pictures again which I took with Kari last summer. Lace was actually really hot and the best feeling was to getting undressed haha. But I really liked the style, it has little romantic effect although you can see my underwear. Shooting with Kari was probably one of the greatest photoshoots I have had, I can´t wait to do new ones with him. The whole day went smooth and we laughed a lot. By the way, thank you Ravenoaris from the behind the scenes pictures.

Check out more Kari´s pictures on Facebook.

Bat Fit 2014, success

All pictures by Kari Vuorio

When everyone else are wetting on gym, trying to quit smoking or having a month without drinking, I am doing a personal challenge with Tina Leaf and living without scale and living like I don´t give a damn about my weight for a while. I was thinking the pictures which I took with Kari would be good with the post because this is me when I was size 14 and when I was biggest that I have ever been. And yet don´t feel that ugly or fat like I thought I would. Since last year I drop one size because I wasn´t eating healthy, bulimia is still part of my life and I went and went eating too much all the time. It made me felt tired and when my favorite clothes didn´t fit anymore I decided to really take full charge change with my eating diet and started eating more normally. It really wasn´t that hard, I just didn´t that much crap (but I still eat it like once a week) and had like normal exercise. I don´t have, unfortunately any pictures to show how I have changed, but basically all the buffyness has gone and now I am just focusing to keep this weight and how I am thinking. 

Loving yourself doesn´t start when the year start, month start, week or even day start. It starts the moment you realize you are worth for something else than feeling sorry for yourself. And that is not being selfish, it is how you are supposed to live and think. You can give so much more for yourself and others when you do that. Start is always the hardest, but actually it goes like.. when you do like yourself, you are wondering what you have been thinking before? Everyone has parts of their body they don´t like, everyone has difficulties with their skin or hair or weight. But even when your body changes, you are still you and only way that you change, is your heart growing. There is nobody else like you.

Diamonds are the girls best friend

Yule wasn´t that great this year. Like Halloween, it was mostly only the day among the other days. It is so true, when you feel blue, holidays sucks. Because I have had such big mental things and even big fights in my friends and all, everything else seem to be just too much. So I have had just normal days and I made the best of the eating times. Gosh I think I ate like 3 peoples food this Yule hah. There was even snow and -20 c for a while but now its too warm again and snow is melting. I went to post office today to get my new shoes and almost crack my head because it was too icy. Finland weather is always changing and you never now what comes next. Actually I think i am the only one who loves that. Even the mother nature want the life gets hard and make it an adventure. It never gets boring you know.

So yeah, what I got on post office was one Yule present from my friend and new shoes, gosh, they are like perfect Kerli shoes. So good to wear and very light. Platform is 14 cm, I feel like a giant in them. And finally got one of my birthday gifts, giant crystal diamond weight like a ton and fit in my whole hand. Wow its just gorgeous. I need to use it on some photoshoot or something. With lots of bling and glitter of course.

The year is changing soon. Tomorrow. It feels kinda weird because I just realized how fast this year went by and I am like, did I even do anything this year? But I guess I did. I need to do recap post next, even to make myself remember the best parts from this year. Because so many painful things happened, so painful that I haven´t even has the power to think about them that much. When people close to you die, you feel so helpless and you are very aware of time. I hope things will makes more sense after I let my let to feel the pain. I want to let go the past. 

New favorite shoes, second hand from my friends closet, love love!

I never think I would like diamonds but I must admit, this was pretty cool gift.

Happy birthday to me...

So.. what is up..? I am on some sort of crossroads phase in my life. I am trying to figure out what I want to do with my life and still, like always thinking, who am I? Because of that I cut my hair and as much as I liked the orange, I didn´t have money to get more orange. I found pink on my hair dye collections so here is the result! Some reason when I have kinda.. a theme in my life, it keeps popping up in everything. Now it is the thing when I try to find my way. When I said Niina I want to have a Vegvisir tattoo I didn´t realize how important it would be for me. This little Norwegian pagan symbol helps you find your way when you are lost or not even getting lost at the first place. Now it means me finding my reasons to live at the moment. Who I was, who I am now and who I will be. What I will do and where I will go? So this tattoo was the best birthday gift I could get. I also got other gifts but I can´t show them to you yet so be tuned.. Helsinki trip was full of friends, tattoos, good food, lots of alcohol and celebrating my 26th birthday, happy birthday to me! And of course I forgot to take pictures, what kind of blogger am I? Ha. But.. because of my trip I got sick (it´s like some flu epidemia going on here) and I am off to drink my tea and continue my newest painting, cute little dead kitty.

Birthday present from Jenni, Halloween candy wuup wuup!

My casual home style

Here kitty kitty...

New hair!

So.. I finally cut my other side off. After like 2 years (or maybe more..?) I finally had the courage to do it. I just decided, tomorrow I will do it. And the next day after my breakfast this happened. I took some video material for you to see my reactions and yeah, I never have done this and if I can do it, you can do too. Not the side I mean, just anything you want to do with your hair. But yeah.. I love my hair at the moment, it gives that certain it factor I needed and if I want, I can make it go away under my hair. Opinions about my winter look?

Why it is always me?

Viime päivät on sitten luontoäiti halunnut tehdä pelkkää sadetta. Tänään vihdoin aurinko päätti paistaa ja totesin, että kuten Sallakin yksi päivä totesi, oon meteopaatti.. sadepäivät on ihania ja inspiroivia, mutta oon huomannut, että kyseisinä päivinä en saa paljoakaan aikaseksi. Sen sijaan tänään päätin bloggailla ja ottaa asukuvia, kokeilla jotai kivaa meikkiä ja sen sellasta.. alunperin piti tehä jotenki luonnollisempi, mutta ei se luonnollinen meikki vaan istu tähän naamaan, ei sitten millään.

Tänään piti auringon kunniaksi päästä kokeilemaan uutta linssiä, luonnollisesti biljoona asiaa meni taas päin mäntyä enkä päässyt kuvailemaan ulos mallin kanssa, mutta ainakin tuli todettua, että kyllä tällä sentään jotenkin kivoja kuvia saa. Kovasti on ikävä vanhaa putkea.. Indiedaysin tapaaminen meni lähinnä pelkäksi juopotteluksi (koska drinkit ah!) ja päädyin sitten vielä jatkoille kaverien kanssa ja niin.. pitihän se arvata, että kamera unohtu käsilaukkuun ilman mitään suojia ja sai hittiä kun kaaduin päin seiniä ja mukulakivikatuja Helsingin keskustassa. En suosittele, tulee kalliiksi ja sydän särkyy. Onneksi käytettynä löytää hyviä linssejä tosi edullisesti ja elämä jatkuu. Silti.. onneksi on luvassa synttäri ja joulululahjoja. Himmeet listat nyt vaan kaikkia kuvauskamoja. Nikonin objektiivit tänne tse tse...

Translation: 
So.. it is raining. Every day. Today, finally the rain stopped for a while and I got few new pictures with lovely sunshine. But I still want to try my new lens (I kinda destroyed the last one..) with a model but some reason everything I do seems to go wrong so, photoshoots are coming later on.. Mister H was good kitty and liked to be my first victim. Gosh, I am so tired but I still can´t wait for trips I am going to make this month. So many photoshoots, I am a model this time, I have so missed being front of the camera and getting dressed.

It can´t rain all the time

Last month has been full of traveling, friends, photoshoots, stress, laughing, joy and pain. I am finally back home (for a while at least) but I still feel restless. I constantly need to be somewhere else, see people and do things. I need to enjoy this life before it ends. Above my mind there is a cloud so dark. Water keeps pulling me down and the same time I feel like I am part of something wonderful, something new and strange.. and yet, nothing has changed and I am still here. I can´t catch my dreams and I am not sure about the reality. I am a living ghost who watch the life passing by and want to touch it. There is so much, oh so much to feel. And oh how much I feel. I have so much love and sorrow in my heart at the moment that I don´t now can I stand it. I feel like I am doing everything very slow and I keep drifting apart and yet I am trying to do everything so fast. This is really hard to explain and I think I don´t even need to. If someone understands, that is fine too. I just want.. everything. Not stuff, but important things. I can almost touch them.

Today´s outfit:

Hat: Seppälä, from Laura

Wig: Second hand

Dress: From Frillycakes 

Shoes: Second hand

Nightwalker

Today´s outfit

Hat/Scarf: From Tiina

Bag: From Veera

Shirt: H&M

Stockings: Punanaamio

Shoes: From Anna

Annalta päädyin yökyläilemään loppuosaksi Turun reissua Tiinan luokse. Meillä on tapana joka kerta jaksoa tavatessa hirveä läjä kaikenlaisia leffoja (nyt katsottiin mm. Practical Magic ja Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters jota en ollut aiemmin nähnytkään, rakastuin siihen, oli meinaan niin hupaisaa katsottavaa ja muutenkin ihanasti tehty), syödä tonnikalapastaa ja käydä yöllisillä kävelyillä. Viime kerralla mentiin Linnan suunnalle jokea pitkin, tällä kertaa mentiin tutkimaan tunnelmallista toista puolta. Eniten Turussa mua varmaan kiehtoo kaikenlaiset pikkukahvilat ja kaikki vanhat upeat isot talot. Niille ei mitkään uudet pytingit lyö kyllä vertoja, oli pakko räpsiä vähän niistä arkkitehtuurijutuistakin kuvia..

Öisin on mahtavaa kävellä kaksistaan, valot heijastuu vedestä ihanasti, joka puolella on tunnelmallisia valoja, ravintoloiden ulkopuolella on palavia tunnelmalyhtyjä ja jopa tien vierestä menee pitkä pätkä ihania vanhan ajan lyhtypylväitä joihin rakastuin ihan täysillä. Rannan penkitkin oli paikoittain ihanan koristeellisia ja lyhtyjen tavoin kivan gootikkaita. Huokailin vaan siellä kulttuurionnesta ja syksynhajuista sai mahtavan loppusilauksen. Olin myös ehtinyt unohtaa ison hämähäkkiseitin joen varrella, kyllä mä siitä niin innostuinkin, jäin pällistelemään sitä moneksi minuutiksi.

Translation:

When I travel to see my friends I like to sleep over with couple of the same trip. From Anna I went to Tiina´s place and like always, we watched lots of movies (Like Practical Magic and Hansel and Gretel, Witch hunters, it was awesome by the way!), eat lots of pasta and we go for a walk in the middle of the night. When lights are everywhere, autumn smells better than anything, you have your girlfriend beside you, gorgeous old buildings, absolutely lovely old kind of lanternlights, trees that change color and big spider webs on the rocks, you can imagine why I love to do these night walks.

I can smell the autumn

I really needed a holiday trip with my friends. Last week so many things started to do wrong again and my stress level was getting higher and higher. I even had one day delay and I was very close to not even going anywhere. Sometimes it is too easy to give up and just stay home and cry all the things that has went wrong that you forget that life isn´t that bad after all. I am really glad I left because I had awesome photoshoots, I saw 3 my top 5 persons (why they all live in Turku?), had such awesome dinners, movienights, makeovers and animal cuteness that I can´t even stand it. I even remembered to photograph few of my daily outfits. This was my Saturday outfit. 

My two days with Anna was full of kittycats, hugs, hours and hours of loud talking and laughing, Ghibli movies (I can´t get Totoro theme song out of my head), tortillas and candle light. I even had I extra bag full of clothes from Anna. I really recommend to change clothes with your friends for free, it is so fun. How has your autumn started? Can you believe, it is finally October...

Today´s outfit

Shirt: H&M

Skirt: Second hand

Shoes: Second hand

Hat: H&M

3 Black Crows

Some reason dresses and specially medievel kind ones are getting more and more closer to my heart. At summer I collect this wonderful little velvet dress from my friends closet. It´s really hot for summer using so I have been waiting for fall to come. How many of you like medieval goth style? My closet is starting to get ready, can´t wait for it to be done, I wan´t to do the closet video. But now I continue my Doctor Who marathon.. my brains are totally frozen at the moment and I don´t have anything special to say. I hope you had a great weekend! We have cake (because of my husbands birthday) and I have kitty cat on my lap. Great way to end this week.