What I have been doing? Where I have been? Well, lately all over. I am super exited about new photoshoots and using my creative energy to photos and new projects. Many of the projects are the ones I have been thinking of doing for years. This year I will do every idea I haven´t in some reason done already. No more excuses. Can´t wait to show you the new pictures. The first photoshoot I had this year by modeling myself was these beautiful pastel goth pictures which I took with Annielina Stenberg. My hair finally came out like it should have been in the first place.
Also this year I want to try every possible field of jobs I want to do. Just trying and seeing what kind of different kind of jobs are, I think I will find my own place, finally. My rehabilitation is going super well, I can even wake up in the morning and do things the whole day. It hasn´t happen in years. I also started new medication which seems to be working, I don´t cry and I feel very stable and my normal self with all the energy. Now that I don´t cry for hours everyday, I really can enjoy life the fullest. People who don´t want to understand how hard is to live with depression, should try to live someone´s life who has it. All the pain has bring me new ways of thinking. I see way more clearly, I want to people have their own space and opinions. I don´t want to impose my own sentiment to others. Well, best friends still has their part of my emotional break downs and certain strong opinions but I realized I am me, and they are them. It feels so good, it is like I am finally free of my ego´s demand of mirroring others reactions. It still happens some times, but way less than before.
Things that lead to this were few bad arguments with my best friends, I realized how selfish I have been. I really want to be better friend. I really want to be the better me. I don´t anymore want to be anybody else. I am enough, and because I always do the stuff I love at the moment, my own company feels great. I feel happy alone and when I am with others. I hope it comes trough with my pictures, I have this certain mood about silence, peace and moody atmosphere. Altough I am not in the silence at the moment, I am listening one of my favorite albums this year Myrkur´s M. With all the eerie and almost creepy beautiful voice and with the elements of witchy sounds and black metal, I just feel like myself while listening her. I feel like going to some other world or feel like creating something. I am probably going to see her concert in Helsinki next week, If you are there, come and say hi!
"And like a shadow upon the skies fell
my evil child I listen to you tonight
I turn off the day, the storm takes hold
the kingdom of death whispers my name in the long night
they thirst for our pure blood
together we walk in the shadow of what disappearedthe useless creatures fell
but they must honor us by the foot of the tree"
Leather pants: Vera Moda
Shoes: Second hand