Past few months I have been just playing games. I have forgot myself, who I am. Don´t get me wrong, I love playing games, specially BDO at the moment, but I haven´t had any time (or want), to do anything else. I have seen few of my bestest friends lately and they all seem to say the same thing (they know me too well and notice stuff that even I don´t), that I have been lost lately and not feeling that good.
It is mostly because of my depression phase, but let´s face it, I haven´t really been fighting towards the light that much. And suddenly I realize, after my friend saying, if you feel good, you feel good and when you don´t, you just don´t. It may seem very clear but I really needed to hear it and I realized what it meant. Damn, I really need to fight for my happiness. And also enjoy my happiness. I just can´t stay where I am at the moment, I need to live my life, how I dream of it to be. I have all the tools for it to happen, I just need to put some effort to it.
You can see the forgetting part from my chaos home, my never ending to do list, not finishing anything, even my hair is all gloomy and doesn´t have the happy color anymore. I actually wanted to dye it back to black, because I just don´t feel that colorful anymore. But I want to be the colorful me.
I have had so many plans about the future and got so stressed about it I forgot the most important thing of all. We live at the present. And as the word says, we should care about it, like a gift, not throw it away. I miss being me, like one of my other friend said, I too, miss the laughing Leena.
I didn´t find my last post about the happy real me, so few pictures may be the same, but heck, let´s just see what kind of person I really am and I hope my real true self made somebody else feel happy, because that is my true life goal, make people around me happy.
I feel happier already for watching all the happy memories I have been trough over the years. 2008 and 2009 there weren´t a lot of happy pictures because I was so sick. But every year there are more and more smiling Leena. I feel happy to see the progress in my life. All the pictures are from 2005 to this year. It was a hard choice to choose which friend pictures to put in, I smile in every last one of them. So here is few and if you see yourself and not want to include yourself in the post, please say it to me.
Be happy, be you.
Blessed be my dears.